Divorce Over 50: Was Your First Marriage Really a Dress Rehearsal?

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Almost everybody I've come across who's over 50 and was going through their first divorce said adamantly, "I will never get married again." A few years later, I've been to the weddings of many of those people. After you've been through a divorce, it takes a lot of soul searching to make any post-divorce relationship a permanent one. However, many people seem to be willing to take that step. Having been married once before, you gain a lot of experience and, hopefully, spent some time working on yourself to find out what went wrong so that you can make the new marriage positive. By the way, when I got divorced I said I would never marry again. The second time has been the charm for me!

Many people over 50 stay in a marriage even though they're not happy. It's too frightening to think about leaving and moving on. Being happy is really important, so it's much better to get your first marriage out of the way. You could consider it a dress rehearsal for the next one. First marriages or "starter marriages" can last as long as 30 years or as short as two. My first marriage lasted 25 years. I know a couple who were married for 60 years. When they had a chance to be apart for a few weeks, the wife decided she did not want him back. She filed for divorce and has never been happier. I am not an advocate for divorce if you can work things out. However, if it's impossible to make it work, you get to a certain point in life that no matter how old you are and how scary it might appear to be alone, you just have to take that leap.

If you were married for a number of years and it didn't work out, you shouldn't feel like you've failed. Here are five positive things that you can bring into your next marriage that you may have learned from the first one.

1. You Have a Better Sense of Self-Worth

Many marriages work at the beginning and then people change. You sort of get used to making adjustments that really don't work for you to please your spouse, but they are not making the same adjustments for you. After you mature and feel more comfortable in your skin, you realize that this isn't how you want to spend the rest of your life and want to be in a relationship that is more satisfying on all levels.

2. You Learn the Values That Are Important to You

We hope that we know everything that is important to us before we get married, but years later you may have a different set of values as you mature. Life experience helps you realize what's going to make you happy.

3. You Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

You may have felt pushed into marriage because everyone else you knew was getting married. Maybe all your friends got married after graduation. You may have felt like a loser or just plain left out if you didn't follow the crowd.

4. You Become More Responsible

The experience of divorce will really cause you to look at yourself and try to figure out why you made the wrong choice in such a crucial area of your life. The reflection you go through during and after a divorce will enable you to see your shortcomings as well as those of your ex. It will also help you to make more responsible choices. And by responsible, I mean choices that are better for you and your future.

5. You Realize What You Want

You may have thought that you knew what you wanted prior to your wedding, but now you probably have a more realistic picture of what's right for you. This doesn't only have to do with finding a new mate. It also has to do with being comfortable with yourself.

For more post-divorce tips, pick up Lois Tarter's new book The Divorce Ritual: Get Up, Get Out and Get On With Your Life by clicking here.

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Sprucing Up Your Home After a Divorce Is Totally Cathartic

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Moving on after a divorce could mean that your ex is moving out and you're keeping the marital residence. Now, you have your own space again and the freedom to do whatever you want with it.

You don't have to do anything costly like knocking down walls or building an addition to give your home a fresh feel. There's no reason to completely change the place. Simple adjustments to the decor can be achieved on a reasonable budget. Sprucing up your home after a divorce is totally cathartic. Here are some practical and easy ways to get started.

1. Fill Up Space

Since your ex has moved out, you have more space in different areas of your home. The closet is half-empty. The medicine cabinet is all yours. The refrigerator no longer has your ex's favorite foods in it. How do you fill up the extra space and make your home feel like it's yours again?

Start with the bedroom closet and spread out your clothes. Build some new shelves to better organize everything and give the closet a new feel. In the bathroom, reorganize the medicine cabinet. Filling up the fridge is easy. Stock it with all of your favorite healthy things to help you achieve that post-divorce body.

2. Change Wall Colors

Change the colors around the house to make it feel brighter. Cut some pictures out of magazines to get some ideas. You don't need to hire someone to paint. Do it yourself or with a friend. If you have children, you can all paint together. The act of painting is therapeutic. Each enthusiastic brush stroke will make you feel like you're moving on!

3. Move Paintings Around

Don't buy all new art work for your home. Moving paintings around can give a different ambiance and make things feel new. Also, if you don't like one of the paintings that your ex had on the wall, take it down and offer it back to them.

If you have seen the same painting on your wall when you walk down the stairs every morning, switch it with another one. It will give you a sense that things are different and the house is now yours.

4. Plant Something New

To mark this beginning, I suggest planting something new in your backyard. As it grows over time, you will grow along with it. If you live in an apartment in a city and obviously don't have a backyard, buy a new plant for your home. Water the plant and watch it get stronger. It's a daily reminder of how far you're progressing.

5. Remake Your Bed

You probably went through a lot of stress during the divorce, so it's time to get some sleep. The bed is yours again and there's nothing like using fresh, new linens. Get that flowery or geometric set of sheets that you've always wanted. Add some decorative pillows. A friend of mine who was recently divorced asked me what she could do with the sheets that she still had from her marriage. I told her that they could be used to keep a bonfire going.

For more post-divorce tips, check out Lois Tarter's new book, The Divorce Ritual: Get Up, Get Out and Get On With Your Life .

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What the Movie Enough Said Tells Us About Exes and Relationships

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The movie Enough Said is the perfect example of what is right for one person may not be right for someone else.

James Gandolfini plays Albert. His character is a little quirky, but warm and loving. Catherine Keener plays his ex, a poet named Marianne. Her character is more brittle, judgmental and cold. A massage therapist named Eva, played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus, meets exes Albert and Marianne separately at the same party. Eva doesn't realize the connection between them as she begins to date Albert and simultaneously is hired by Marianne to give her massages.

Eva becomes friendly with Marianne and listens to her complaints about her ex. It leads Eva to believe that her ex was not such a nice guy. Marianne also felt that she was "better," more sophisticated and worldly than her former spouse. In the meantime, Eva is really having lots of fun spending time with her new boyfriend Albert. Eventually, Eva figures out that Albert is Marianne's ex! She wants to tell both of them the truth, but waits too long. When the truth finally is revealed, both Albert and Marianne feel betrayed by Eva.

An interesting part of this story is that while Marianne didn't appreciate Albert and said bad things about him, he never put his ex-wife down. He did not come off as a person who was judgmental and seemed more accepting. Also, his ex-wife constantly complained about all of his idiosyncrasies, while Eva found them to be cute and charming. Albert obviously was not the right person for Marianne. However, he was good for Eva until she began listening to someone else and messed the relationship up. The lesson from all of this is that you need to form your own opinions of the person you're dating. What is good for one is not good for someone else.

So often we look at our friends' spouses and realize how a relationship with them would never work for us. Yet, our friends are happy. My husband and I love to travel. Either one of us being married to someone who doesn't like to travel would be problematic. Lots of my friends' husbands are avid sports fans. I'm not and my husband is not. My ex loves sports and his wife also loves sports. A match made in a football heaven.

If you rely on the opinions of your friends about your potential mate, and don't really rely on your gut feeling, you could easily miss out on the perfect person for you. On the other side of that coin, if you have been in abusive relationships, you could then move into another abusive relationship. So you need to listen to your friends when they caution you about your new love. Also, always look at the problems in your previous marriage and try not to repeat them in your new relationship.

Before you introduce any new love interest to your children, you should make sure that this new person is a keeper. When you finally arrange for your kids and your new love to meet, your children may not like this person as an initial knee-jerk reaction. They may not have come to terms yet that your relationship with their mother or father is over. So unless your children are mature and supportive, you need to make up your own mind. Make sure your new love interest treats your kids well.

All in all, what is good for one person is often not right for someone else. Make up your mind about a new relationship based on your feelings. Who knows? The right person for you may be the person you have heard your friend complain about forever. Try to meet everyone with an open mind and be prepared for a new exciting chapter in your life.

For post-divorce tips and information to help you get over your ex, pick up Lois Tarter's new book The Divorce Ritual: Get Up, Get Out and Get On With Your Life by clicking here.

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Dating Over 50: How I Found Love When I Wasn't Looking For It

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With grey divorce on the rise, many couples over 50 are looking to leave their disappointing marriages and reinvent themselves. The older you are when you divorce, the more variables there are to consider. However, even though it's difficult and there are many challenges, you can't stay in a situation that no longer works for you and one that you know will never work again.

I found myself in that position when I divorced after being married for 25 years. I tried to feel positive about my future. You have to keep your life active and open yourself to new social relationships. I had sent out a change of address to all of my friends. I heard from several people, including a man named Fred, who was an old friend of my ex -- and an old friend of mine. At the time, Fred and I had known each other for over 20 years. Our friendship began when my ex-husband had done a business deal with him. Fred was a really smart and fun person to be around and I always liked talking with him.

Eventually, we met for dinner and had a good time catching up. Fred and I really enjoyed the camaraderie that developed and stayed in touch. He was also getting divorced and I was happy to be there for him as a supportive friend, having gone through it myself. We had lots of similar interests and felt very comfortable talking to each other.

Over time, Fred finalized his divorce. We were two old friends available to develop our own relationship. As time went on, we realized that there was more than just a friendship there and romance blossomed. We've been married for over 15 years and we both never expected it. Sometimes, your next relationship or spouse could be an old friend. Here are five reasons why it can work.

1. You Have Similar Interests

When you divorce after 50 and your children are grown, there is much more free time. If you know the person you are dating well, then you also are aware of what they like to do. Chances are that if you're friends already, you have similar interests.

At this stage of your life, you should be able to enjoy your leisure time. Maybe you both have a desire to travel. My husband and I really enjoy our time exploring other countries and cultures. If you are both into tennis or golf, you could enjoy those sports together. Just hanging around the house and choosing a movie to watch on TV is much easier when a couple enjoys the same things. If you have similar tastes in food, paling around in the kitchen and sampling each other's favorite recipes can be fun. When two people have similar interests, there are lots of things to do and time to enjoy them.

2. You Know Each Other's Ex-Spouses

Knowing each other's ex-spouses can be a help in your post-divorce lives. You both may have resentment about your exes and you can give each other support and advice on how to deal with them. When you have a frame of reference about the ex, you can certainly offer more realistic input when a problem comes up.

You will have to go to family events. It's great to have the support of not only an old friend, but a close ally when you see your ex. They also know each other, so you skip the awkward introductions.

3. You Know Each Other's Children

Even though your children are older when you go through a grey divorce, it's always an emotional transition when their parents split. No matter what, they'll be happy to see you enjoy your life again. And a big part of enjoying your life when you divorce after 50 and the kids are out of the house is having companionship.

When your children know and like the person you fall in love with post-divorce, they can even feel more comfortable about you getting remarried. If your kids have children, being familiar with their new grandparent can make the transition more comfortable.

4. You Know Their Faults

When you both start out as friends, you already know many of the positive things about each other as well as many of the negative ones. Nobody is perfect and when you know those imperfections upfront, you are more aware of what it would be like to date them.

Unfortunately, most of the time it takes many dates with someone new before you find out their faults. However, nobody wants to waste time. So not having to go through that part of the relationship, gives you the opportunity to deal with the more important things between you both. If their faults were so bad, you wouldn't have been friends with them to begin with and you certainly wouldn't consider getting romantically involved.

5. You Were Friends First

You both have built trust together during your years as friends. And those years you spent as friends getting to know each other are some of the most valuable in building a foundation for a relationship. When you are friends before you start dating, your relationship can actually be healthier. It's based more on friendship than sex.

Since you were friends first, you both probably travel in the same social circles. It's easier to get together for game nights or a couples dinner out with your mutual friends. They can also become good traveling companions. This part of your lives should be about being on the same page as the person you're with. If you're friends first, you're already there!

For post-divorce dating tips, pick up Lois Tarter's new book "The Divorce Ritual: Get Up, Get Out and Get On With Your Life" by clicking here.

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

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Nothing wrong with being cautious and slow. Before you tell your adult children that you are dating again (or make a big deal about someone specific), make sure that the two of you are a couple. Ask yourself whether you feel serious about this person. You don't want to get your adult children involved, attached, or concerned when it's not necessary.

If you want to win over your adult children, just tell them that this new partner makes you happy. How can your children have a problem with that? Remember that your kids want to make sure it's someone who cares about you and is trustworthy, because children of all ages don't want their parents to get hurt. Also, many adult children are concerned that a new partner will "financially" and "emotionally" take advantage of their parent. Keep these two concerns in mind when you talk to your adult children. Flickr photo via: Kunni Kun.

The more information your new partner has before they meet your adult children, the better. Don't fear telling your partner too much. The more information they have about your adult children the easier it will be for them to ask questions, seem interested, and join the conversation. Flickr photo via: Petteri Sulonen.

It is important that your adult children observe the two of you sharing responsibilities and enjoying each other's company. A great idea: getting together for a meal - have the partner and adult children meet over dinner or lunch! At the dinner, if you cook the turkey, have your partner make the mashed potatoes. If he doesn't cook, have him set the table. Work together as a team. Flickr photo by: rhurtubia.

No matter their age, explain why you're dating again, that no one will ever replace their other parent, and now that they are older - you too need companionship. Don't dismiss their concerns - instead, if you validate their concerns, they won't get defensive. If you say instead: "I understand that you are worried about me and you're not sure this is right for me. I hear you. I promise you, I will come and let you know if anything doesn't feel right to me about this person. I won't hesitate to let you know. But, right now - he makes me happy. I enjoy his company and I am being cautious, slow and safe."

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Should You Have Divorced Earlier?

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Michael Douglas told the press recently that he should have ended his first marriage sooner than he did. Douglas said, "I know I'm going to get into trouble here. I have nothing against her and in fact I'm very fond of my first wife. But we should have ended that marriage eight or 10 years earlier." He was married to Diandra for 23 years.

If you recently got divorced, you may be wondering, Should I have ended my marriage earlier? Couples sometimes stay married even though they are not happy. If they have children, the spouses often remain together for the sake of their kids. However, sometimes it's just better to end it and have closure. You can still be great parents to your children even though you are not married. And you can build a new life for yourself. Usually, there is no benefit to delaying a divorce. Here are some ways that you and your spouse can tell if it might be time to end your marriage and agree to move on.

You Went to Therapy: If you have tried therapy and went together for a while and it didn't help resolve your problems, it is a sign that this marriage probably should not continue.

You Hope Your Spouse is Not Home: If you head home after work, drive down your street and hope that your spouse's car is not in the driveway, then you should think about wrapping up the marriage.

You Don't Communicate: When you don't talk anymore and just yell at each other, things will not get better. If there is no communication it is hopeless between you two.

You Make Excuses: When you stay at the office late when you don't need to instead of going home, it's an excuse to avoid your marriage.

You Haven't Been on a Vacation Together in Years: If you haven't been on a vacation with your spouse in years and don't want to go on one together, things won't improve.

You Have Nothing in Common: When you got married, you both had things in common. Two people in a marriage can change their interests as the years pass. But if you don't have anything in common, it's hard to have fun together anymore.

You Forget Important Dates: If you forget your anniversary that is a definite indication that you are very far away from the romance of your relationship.

For more divorce tips, pick up Lois Tarter's new book "The Divorce Ritual" by clicking here.

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When You Know That You're Over Your Ex

Lois Tarter: When You Know That You're Over Your Ex HPFB.init();
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Lois TarterAuthor, divorce blogger and divorce party planner

GET UPDATES FROM Lois Tarter   Like 21 When You Know That You're Over Your Ex Posted: 03/16/2013 1:12 pm Follow   Divorce Advice , BREAKING UP , BREAKING UP , Marriage Problems , Getting Over Ex , How To Move On , Life After Divorce , Splits , Divorce News
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After divorce, we turn to the people who are near and dear to us for support (and perhaps drive them crazy). Then, we tell everyone that we are over our ex. However, even though we are showing a brave front, everyone knows that we are not really past the split yet.

It takes time to put the pieces back together, and nobody can predict how long it's going to take. Depending on how much time you spent with the person and how it ended, the post-split healing process can be really challenging. But there is no better feeling than when you have come out the other side and put the split -- and the relationship -- behind you. How do you know when you're finally over your ex? Here are seven signs that you have moved on.

You don't talk about your ex anymore: During the split, you probably spoke about your ex a lot with friends and family. When you don't talk about your ex anymore, it is a good sign that he or she is behind you.

You don't mind seeing your ex with someone new: When you see your ex with a new love interest and it doesn't bother you, then you have clearly gotten over him or her. They're now somebody else's problem.

You share holidays: If you and your ex have children, you may end up spending some holidays together. You know you're over the relationship when your ex asks you to pass the gravy on Thanksgiving and you don't feel like throwing it on him or her.

You don't seek them out: We have all Googled an ex after a breakup. But when you stop putting his or her name into the search box and don't really care to know what he or she is doing, you have made it through.

You want to be friends again: When you broke up, you probably de-friended your ex on Facebook. If you have kids together, you may want to friend them again. This is not because you're stalking your ex or want to know everything about him or her; it's actually just because you want to be friends.

You forget to return your ex's calls: When your ex calls you about something and you truly forget to return his or her phone call, you have definitely moved on.

You go back to your old stomping grounds: When you can go back to some of the places you frequented with your ex and you feel nothing, you have made great progress.

What are the signs that you have moved on?

Needing more break-up tips and ways to heal? Pick up Lois Tarter's new book "The Divorce Ritual" by clicking here.

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Can Taking a Timeout Save Your Marriage?

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Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones have decided to take some time apart. While a divorce could be in their future, they are apparently taking a moment to themselves to see if that is where they want to go. The majority of celebrities and other's whose marriages are faltering usually go right toward filing for a divorce. This decision by Douglas and Zeta-Jones could be setting a new trend of timeout's in marriages.

Taking a breather to think things over in many instances in life works, so why not in a marriage? In professional sports, a coach will call a timeout to readjust the game plan. When a child is acting up, a parent will give them a timeout to calm them down. If a marriage is in jeopardy, a couple who takes a timeout to regroup might be able to save it. This is an especially important step to take if they have children. Here are some reasons that a timeout in a marriage could possibly help toward resolving differences.

You Visit a Therapist: During this timeout you may consider going to therapy. It usually is a great opportunity to look at things more clearly with the help of a professional. Their advice could be crucial in saving your marriage.

You Reevaluate Your Futures: You both begin to look at your futures and where you see yourselves. If you want to stay married, you need to talk about going in the same direction together.

You Start Communicating: If you have been arguing with your spouse and can't just talk normally with each other, a timeout could get you both back to a place where you can discuss things.

You Stop Blaming Your Spouse: A timeout can help you realize that blaming your spouse for the marriage not working isn't going to fix the problems. This will only pull you both apart.

You Fix What Is Wrong With You: Your spouse may be difficult to deal with, but you may not be the easiest to get along with either. See if you can fix some things about yourself during this timeout.

You Try Co-Parenting: This is an important step when you are considering a divorce. The children have to be the main focus regardless of what the outcome is. During the timeout, you both can begin to see what it would be like to co-parent.

You Miss Each Other: After a month with little contact, you may have the desire to see your spouse. Time helps to heal hurt feelings and you would be surprised how different you may feel.

For helpful divorce tips, pick up Lois Tarter's new book The Divorce Ritual.

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DIVORCE - CONTESTED OR UNCONTESTED

Most often a divorce is contested when the man and women cannot find a common consensus. Most of the disagreements concern the Children, Visitation and how to divide the assets of the marriage along with Child Support, Alimony, How to deal with Family Debts, and who will pay for the Education of the Children and Possible College expenses, Insurance and Tax Problems After a divorce case is filed, you are given a number and depending on how many people filed before you, will determine how long it will take to come to trial. Generally unless you know someone the cases are determined in the order of your number. When your number comes up you are called, either by phone or mail. Depending on where you live it can be on the spot. Divorces are all Contested until both parties can come to an agreement and the attorneys can come to a consensus on all relevant issues. Then they can address the Court that it is no longer a Contested Divorce but now an Uncontested Divorce. When this happens there will be a hearing that will consider both parties that sometimes requires proof of claims made by either party. If the laws of the court and the state are considered and are acceptable, the court will approve the settlement and enter a divorce Judgment on that the same day or in the near future. About the author: Mike is a free-lance writer on family and finance issues; his main goal is to help people during their complicated period of life. Website http://f401ek-f14-il2dbnfwlrz45qc.hop.clickbank.net/

Divorce and Hidden Assets

Not surprisingly, assets are often hidden in a divorce situation. Why - well simply greed, or the feelings of betrayal or anger at the need to divide assets in the divorce, or the fear of not having enough after the divorce all motivate the behavior of hiding assets. In divorce, the parties assets are divided. Under the divorce laws of some states they are divided equally and under the divorce laws of other states, they are divided "equitably" or fairly. Equitably often means equally to overworked divorce judges. There is no way to know in advance if your spouse has or will hide assets in a divorce. You know your spouse better than your divorce attorney will and you will need to alert your attorney to the possibility of your psouse hiding assets. Before you get to that point, however, there are some easy steps to take to prevent your spouse from being able to hide assets. Those steps include finding out everything you can about your assets before divorce. Before you alert your spouse that you are considering divorce, you need to complile and/or stockpile documentation about all of your assets. If you do not have knowledge of your marital assets, it is time to find out what is there. If bank and other statements come to the house, open them and write down account numbers and balances. If you have access to the cancelled checks, copy those as well. It is not unusual for a spouse who is planning a divorce to transfer money to friends or relatives with the plan being that they will give that money back after a divorce is finalized. So, you should review those records and carefully scrutinize all large or suspicious transfers that take place in the two or three years prior to or just after the filing of a divorce action. Make sure that you know where the copies of your income tax statements are. If your spouse has a business, make sure you have a copy of several years of tax returns for that business. All of these documents can be copied and hidden safely somewhere outsided of the house in the event that you need them. Taking these simple pre-emptive steps can mean the difference in obtaining a fair settlement in divorce. It will also be incredibly helpful to your divorce attorney to have this information in advance. If banking and other statements and financial records are not kept at or mailed to your house, you will need to obtain those records in other ways. You can contact the IRS to obtain copies of any tax returns that you signed. Request copies of those returns and have them mailed to a different address - either a friend or relative or your divorce atttorney. If there are returns that you have not signed, such as business tax records, you will not be able to obtain copies of those returns from the IRS. If you have access to your spouse's place of business, you may be able to find those tax returns there. If you are worried about your spouse hiding assets in a divorce, you really do need to find those returns and make copies of them - for as many years as possible. If you have valuables, antiques, jewelry, art or other collectibles in your home, catalog all of them and if you have appraisals, make copies. It is not unusual for those items to disappear or even to be pawned by a spouse in need of more funds. If you suspect that your spouse has engaged in some divorce planning and is hiding assets, let your divorce attorney know. Ask your divorce attorney to subpoena records from any other idividual or entity who could be involved in assisting your spouse in hiding those assets. If need be, your attorney can use the services of an investigator to help to obtain financial records that have been withheld. About the author: http://f401ek-f14-il2dbnfwlrz45qc.hop.clickbank.net/

Divorce and Health Insurance Benefits

Divorce causes major issues with health insurance benefits. Many families have employer provided and/or paid for health insurance benefits that cover the entire family. It is not uncommon to see situations where the other spouse is a stay at home parent, with absolutely no access to health insurance benefits, or employed at a job with either no health insurance benefits available or those benefits available at a substantial cost. After a divorce, the spouse with the family health insurance coverage can no longer cover the other parent. They are no longer "family" members who can take advantage of one health insurance policy. How to then ensure that everyone stays insured does become an issue for negotiation and/or divorce litigation. If both parties do not have health insurance benefits available and if the cost of obtaining those health insurance benefits for the other party after a divorce become prohibitive, there is one way to continue benefits without additional cost. That way is to enter into a separation agreement, but delay the divorce. That way, the parties actually do remain married and they can stay on the same health insurance plan even thought they are separed. The parties can consent to waiting for one, two or more years before either one files for a divorce. While the parties will remain married, their property, custody, and support issues will be addressed in their separation agreement. Under some circumstances, this is an optimal resolution. For example, what if both parties want one spouse to remain at home for several more years with young children, but they do still want to separate and divorce? This option works for them. They can separate, agree upon getting a divorce and all of the terms that they have to agree upon, but delay the final divorce so that they can keep cost effective health insurance benefits in place. The above example can provide some difficulties that must be discusse in detail with your divorce attorney. For example, if you separate but do not divorce, your federal tax filing status may be affected. Also, in some states, it is not as easy as in other states to enforce a separation agreement. Or, in yet other states, it is possible for one spouse to take the advantages provided by the agreement for a year or two and then go to court and seek entirley different forms of financial relief in a divorce action. Only a divorce attorney licensed to practice in your state can advise you on these issues. Another option for couples divorce is COBRA coverage. COBRA is a federal law which mandates that a person covered under a health insurance policy be given the right to continue that coverage, at their own cost, for a set time period if certain requirements exist. For example, if you obtain a divorce and your spouse had family health insurance coverage through his employer, the employer would have to provide COBRA coverage for you after the divorce. That COBRA coverage would require that you have the same health insurance policy, although your coverage would now be individual and not family. You would have to pay the employer's cost for that individual policy. It is not uncommon for a stay at home spouse or a spouse who has less income or employment options to obtain COBRA coverage and to negotiate that their spouse pay for that coverage for a specified time period after the divorce. In doing so, this gives the spouse who did not have coverage available some time to either obtain employment with coverage or become financially settled and able to afford their own coverage. About the author:http://f401ek-f14-il2dbnfwlrz45qc.hop.clickbank.net/

Divorce and Alimony Formula

In divorce, a common question is, "what is the alimony formula". Well, there really is no set alimony formula for divorce. This is in complete contrast to child support, which is decided based upon a specific formulas in each state. Alimony is based on factors and those factors are decided through divorce negotiation or by a divorce judge. But, there is no alimony formula available to your divorce attorney or you to determine in advance what alimony will be paid in your case. What does a divorce court look at to determine alimony? Those issues do vary by state. But, there are also many alimony factors that are common from state to state. So, although there is no specific alimony formula for you to rely on, there are alimony factors that you can look at to help you determine what the alimony might be in your case. In divorce, some of the alimony factors that a judge might look at include the following. First is the length of your marriage. If the parties have been married for one year, the court's attitude towards a request for alimony will be very different than if the parties have been married for twenty years. Because the length of marriage varies so much in all divorces, it is not possible to plug this factor into an alimony forumla to determine the alimony amount. Another factor affecting the award of alimony is employment status. Obviously, if the spouse seeking alimony has been unemployed or underemployed for a number of years to care for young children, the home, or the spouse, that is a factor that will militate in that spouse's favor if he or she is seeking alimony. On the other hand, if that spouse has the ability to obtain employment that will more than adequately meet his or her needs, the court might think a little differently about awarding alimony to that party. Other factors that are considered closely with this factor include level of education, job experience, the age of children in the household, and work history. A major factor that can affect an award of alimony is the amount of property to be retained or divided by the parties. If the spouse seeking alimony has been a stay at home parent, but will have signifcant assets after divorce or has separate assets, like a trust fund, the court's attitude towards the award of alimony will be affected. The court will certainly view a request for alimony under these circumstances much different than a request made by an individual who is receiving no assets in the divorce or who does not have any separate property. The health of the party seeking alimony is a major factor that can impact a court's decision in awarding alimony. If the spouse seeking alimony has a debilitating physical condition that impacts whether or how much they can work, the court will not want to impoverish that party after divorce and the court will be more likely to use alimony to address at least basic living needs. One other factor that should be considered by the divorce court and by the parties, is the taxability of the alimony payments. In most instances, if there is no specific provision to the contrary, spousal support payments are taxable to the recipient and tax deductible to the payor. The tax benefit obtained by spreading out economic wealth in this fashion can be significant and should be discussed in depth with your divorce attorney. One issue that is not always considered by the court, but should be discussed with your divorce attorney, is that alimony payments are, in general, not dischargeable in bankruptcy. If there is any possibility that the party who is to pay alimony will be filing for bankruptcy, the divorce attorneys will negotiate very hard on both sides to maximize the final benefit to their client in divorce. It should thus be apparent that in divorce, there can be no easy alimony forumla, no matter what state you live in. It is impossible to plug these and other factors into a mathematical equation to arrive at a "correct" alimony formula. It is necessary that the divorce court, or the divorce attorneys review how these varied and different factors affect both parties in the divorce and then arrive at a solution that encompasses all of the divorce issues, including property settlement and alimony. They cannot simply set up an alimony formula that would work for all parties. About the author:http://f401ek-f14-il2dbnfwlrz45qc.hop.clickbank.net/

DISOBEYING COURT ORDERS

ometimes people do stupid things, but someone who disobeys a court order is one of the craziest things one can do. In Divorce Court and family custody matters sometimes lawyers try to convince the judge that because of all the pressure of a divorce his client has acted in an unrational way, unfortunately judges rarely fell compassion when their orders are disregarded. Divorce attorneys and their clients often use the same tall tales to ignoring court orders. One excuse is the other party also did it or the court's order was based on inaccurate information. These excuses rarely work. One of the most common excuses is He or she started it! It works as well as any silly nonsense does, it does not work at all. To say someone else is disobeying the law does not help you in your excuse for disobeying the court. We are all responsible for our own actions. If you state the court order was wrong or unfair because of some mistake or a lie, is also worthless. If the court made a mistake there are avenues to address it, and the court can be asked to reconsider it. Only a court has the ability to change the court order. Until the court changes the order you are bound by the current order and it will be strictly observed. If the court order is violated as bad as things seemed to be will only get worse. A man was back in court because his wife said he had not paid is child support that he was ordered to pay. His attorney as well as himself stated he had not paid the child support because his ex wife had lied about her expenses and he felt he had a right to hold back payments because she had lied. He had not asked the court to review the case but made his own decision not based on the law but his anger that was unsupported by the court. By the time he came before the judge he was deeply in debt with back support. As it turned out the man was wrong about the expenses but even if he was right he was wrong, and as a result he violated the court order and caused more hardship for himself. He was forced to pay back support plus interest and to make things worse he had to pay his entire wife’s legal expenses, which included airfare to come to court and an extra 3,000. There are only two excuses for not obeying a court order: Either the party didn't know about it or it was not possible to obey. Not inconvenient, impossible, or difficult! If you have any other reasons for disobeying the court, it will be a costly unpleasant mistake. About the author: mike is a free-lance writer on family and finance issues; his main goal is to help people during their complicated period of life. Website http://f401ek-f14-il2dbnfwlrz45qc.hop.clickbank.net/

Deeds Variation - The 2 Year Rule

Deeds of Variation - The 2 Year Rule Introduction I recently received a query from a practicing solicitor asking for advice on using Deeds of Variation. The solicitor in question was acting on behalf of clients who wished to alter the terms of their father's Will to afford a fairer disposition of the assets amongst family members. Ordinarily this would one of the situations where a Deed of Variation could be employed. However, the testator's death was 6 years ago. The query was despite the lapse in time, could a Deed of Variation still be used without asking for it to be applied retrospectively for the purposes of inheritance tax and capital gains tax? The Purpose of the 2 Year Rule To recap from my previous article, in order to be valid a Deed of Variation must comply with 3 conditions; Must be made in writing. All persons who were original beneficiaries in the Will and any persons who benefit from the proposed variations in the Deed must sign the Deed. It cannot be given for money or money's worth. It must be made within 2 years of the death of the decedent. One of the most crucial uses for a Deed of Variation is to affect the tax liability on an estate. Therefore, for a Deed to be valid it must be made within 2 years of the death of the testator in order to be applied retrospectively for Capital Gains Tax and Inheritance Tax. If a Deed of Variation fails to comply with this - or any of the other conditions - it ceases to have retrospective affect for tax purposes, and amounts to nothing more than a transfer of value - namely, a gift. Having liased with the Inland Revenue on this subject, it is clear that Deeds of Variation are only to be used within the 2 year period as, to quote an Inland Revenue adviser "there would be no point in using such instruments after that time as it would afford no tax saving benefit". Changing the Will after the 2 Year Period So, what do you do if you wanted to change the terms of a Will after the 2 year period? As stated above, where a Deed of Variation does not comply with the 2 year rule, any dispositions which the beneficiaries seek to make via the Deed amount to nothing more that simple transfers of value, gifts. Thus, the approach to adopt would be to make Potentially Exempt Transfers of the assets which the beneficiaries seek to redistribute. This is as simple as handing over the gift, or saying 'I give up my interest and gift it to you'. It is always advisable however, particularly where substantial interests in property are involved, to write a memorandum of the potentially exempt transfer. Such a memorandum should include the name of the person giving the gift, to whom the gift is given and the date.

"Contested" And "Uncontested Divorce"

A divorce case is contested if the parties cannot agree on every one of the issues involved in their particular situation. Common areas of disagreement include, but are not limited to: grounds for divorce, custody of the children, visitation rights, division of the assets of the marriage, child support, maintenance (alimony), payment of family debts, contribution toward educational expenses (college or parochial), payment of health insurance for the dependent spouse, income tax structuring, etc When a divorce case is filed, it is given an identification number and is deemed by the court to be a matter that will ultimately require trial time in order to resolve all issues. Divorce cases are generally called for trial in the order in which they were filed. A divorce case remains a "Contested Divorce" until each and every item is resolved. If, however, at any time during that period of the divorce case, the parties and their attorneys can reach an agreement on all of the issues, they can then stipulate to the court to have the matters heard as an "Uncontested Divorce" (no fault divorce) matter. When this occurs, the court will accommodate the parties to the marriage and provide an expedited Hearing in which it will hear proof regarding the grounds of the divorce and the settlement of the divorce. If the standards of the court and the law are met, the court will approve the settlement and enter a divorce Judgment on that day or shortly thereafter. Remember that, it is usually easier to marry than to divorce, especially if the spouses who wish to do so must divide their common property as well. Attempts to use the worldwide Web as an effective means of struggle against bureaucracy are undertaken constantly and sometimes successfully. Today it is possible to fill legal forms for divorce by divorce online legal services. Note that Legalhelper.net (http://www.legalhelper.net/divorce.aspx) provides an easy-to-use, quick, and economical online method for creating completed legal forms from its site for your uncontested divorce (either no-fault divorce or fault divorce). About the author: Mike Marston is a free-lance writer on family issues; his main goal is to help people during their complicated period of life, to find a right legal solution in regards to family relationship.

Colorado Divorce Planning

could prove to be a complicated undertaking. You might be stunned if your partner tells you that he or she will be pursuing a divorce. What is more, you might come home someday to an empty home and a message, with your partner and kids gone. If that happens, you might be incapable of doing any Colorado divorce and separation planning yourself. Of course, your partner could have schemed excellently and you could see that belongings have been converted and secreted or expended over a period of time, or that a move was conscientiously orchestrated using the help of counsel with the purpose to bootstrap a custody issue. Though that kind of orchestrated underhanded preparation rarely takes place, it does take place and should be a warning to any individual who is weighing a Colorado divorce: preparation and strategies are critical and ought to be considered by everybody. To make sure that you are doing the best Colorado divorce and separation preparation and employing the right legal tactics, you may need the assistance of a lawyer. An experienced Colorado family lawyer has gone through it all. He or she has handled enough cases to understand what strategies might be practiced by the adversary, what strategies are effective, and which strategies would work for your family situation. Using tactics and planning does not dictate that you are setting up divorce litigation. It signals that you are aware of the facts necessary to proceed with your suit, your goals and that you have carefully strategized how to get where you want to go. A practiced settlement dialogue will not take place without a lot of thought and preparation. Some clients fail to see the genuine value obtained from their lawyer. Actually, many clients will claim that they did the necessary work in obtain information or in getting information to their lawyer, only to be confronted with a large invoice, and they want to know why. The "why" is because of the Colorado lawyer's level of experience and number of years practicing and the lawyer's ability to work out your tactics to get the result that you desire. The tactics and planning that you should undertake before starting a Colorado divorce do make a difference to the end result of your case. There are some things that everybody will have to undertake, like obtaining your various economic documents. Many planning and strategy issues are very specific to your own case, such as, the history of your married life and your situation at the time. Whatever your personal circumstances, your preparation must be undertaken after thorough consideration of all your facts and a thorough conversation about your goals with your lawyer. Various individuals facing the same circumstances could use different Colorado divorce plans simply because they are focused on different results. If obtaining a negotiated settlement and not going to Court are what you want, your lawyer could have to engage in different maneuvers than if you want the end result to be determined by the court. If your lawyer has obtained all of your facts and is familiar with the results your require, they will be able to prepare a tactical outline that should meet your goals. Since divorce or separation is frequently a battle over money, getting all of the relevant information about your family finances will be a very important task. You must have copies of three or four years income tax returns, your w-2 and your spouse's w-2 from each employer for each of those years. If you do not know where to locate those documents, you can get duplicates from the IRS. If you are obtaining these records secretly and do not want your partner to find out that you are engaging in divorce or separation planning, ask that your tax returns be mailed to your business office address, a friend, or to your lawyer. A chronicle of your years together while married is very important to other matters that your Colorado divorce or separation lawyer might need to take care of for you. Many lawyers request that you supply some sort of outline to assist them in taking care of your case. If your lawyer does not require one, you should prepare one anyway. The effort that you put into that outline may help your lawyer on matter like fault, custody of the children, and support, and it may save your lawyer preparation time for your lawsuit and thus, reduce your legal fees. The more effort you put into obtaining, and preparing important facts and documents for your Colorado divorce or separation lawyer, the less effort you will expend in your lawyer's office reviewing those issues. Perhaps your attorney will spend less time on fact finding and more of your funds will then be spent on planning and preparation. About the author: Attorney Jean Mahserjian is the author of numerous websites and books devoted to helping consumers through the process of separation and divorce. To download free excerpts from her family law books, visit

Choosing an Oregon Divorce Attorney

can be an important decision making process. The professional who you hire shall be in charge of obtaining or maintaining your legal interests in your youngsters, your material possession, and your salary. In fact, retaining an Oregon divorce attorney can also be a remarkably challenging undertaking. Do it properly and you can breath easy. Do it wrong and you may spend months or years recovering losses that could have been prevented. There are some effective tactics that you may want to think about at the time that you look for an Oregon divorce attorney. When you begin this process, you had better consider the sort of case that you will be pursuing. Will you be mediating your divorce suit? Will you be negotiating? Or, could your lawsuit be the kind of lawsuits that lands in family or divorce court and turns into a knock down, drag out litigation? You need to locate an Oregon divorce attorney who limits his/her practice to these types of matters and you need to retain the type of Oregon divorce attorney who is best suited to the sort of case that you are involved with. If you wish to pursue knock-down-and-drag-out litigation, you should not retain a mediation attorney to enforce your rights. On the other hand, if you are undergoing a mediation process, it would be unfortunate if you hired an Oregon divorce attorney who will attempt to create problems and persuade you to start litigation. Therefore, step one in the process of hiring an Oregon divorce attorney is to ascertain the type of case that you have. After you finish that, find other people who have gone through what you are going through. Since the rate at which we divorce in the U.S.A. is around one-half , chances are you know several other people who have undergone a divorce suit. Ask them about their case, how they employed an Oregon divorce attorney, and how their attorney worked out for them. After you have received feedback on a couple Oregon divorce attorneys that you found from checking with others, go on the internet and start exploring those attorneys and any others that you find on the net. If an Oregon divorce attorney has an internet site, you can review it and also look to determine if they have composed any articles on divorce law. You can likewise check and determine if they have advertised their website on the net on the issue of divorce law. You can get quite a bit of important information regarding any particular attorney, their cases and the way they treat their clients by reviewing their internet site. Subsequent to your analyzing the Oregon divorce attorney websites, compile a listings of at the least a half of dozen Oregon divorce attorneys who you suppose you could be comfortable meeting with. Telephone each of the divorce attorneys and schedule an initial meeting. A number of those attorneys bill a fee for for an initial meeting; the more experience the attorney has, the more likely that you may be billed for time with that attorney. When you attend an initial interview/evaluation with an Oregon divorce attorney, be organized. Spend the time to write a history of your married life and the issues confronting you right now. If you or your spouse has filed any papers in court, be sure to take them with you. Take one to three years tax returns or a current financial statement so that the attorney can go over some of your financial accounting before being questioned concerning "solutions". Be sure you ask each Oregon divorce attorney questions regarding how that person's law office manages your phone calls, electronic mail or other inquiries. If you will be going through a divorce attorney who has no other attorney in their law office, be ready for a wait when you command an answer. That professional may have other clients who have demands every bit as critical as yours, and the attorney can respond to only one client at a time. Notwithstanding that issue, there may be an Oregon divorce attorney who you feel is appropriate to handle your issues who is also a solo practitioner. That is a trade off that you may need to relax with. Once you have finished each consultation and examined the answers to all of your questions, identify which Oregon divorce attorney you are most comfortable with and which you think will work for you to get the sort of resolution that you require.

Child Support Enforcement and Federal Criminal Law

Child support enforcement is a growing area of family law. Once child support has been ordered by a Court, or agreed upon by two parents, it is not always smooth sailing. Although we hear a lot about "deadbeat parents" (and there are both moms and dads who are deadbeats), the overwhelming majority of parents pay support and take care of their children as agreed upon or ordered. But, when that is not the case, you have to know how child support enforcement works. Child support enforcmement in one form or another is available in every state for collecting against deadbeat parents. Those child support enforcement remedies include wage garnishment, intercepting tax refunds, suspending a driver's or professional license, and more. In addition to the child support enforcement remedies that the individual states provide, the is a federal remedy which is often overlooked, but which is very effective. That child support enforcement remedy is the Child Support Recovery Act of 1992. Under the Child Support Recovery Act, the failure to pay child support, if willful, is a federal crime if the parent who owes support lives in a different state than the parent who is receiving the support. Relying on this criminal statute can be a very effect child support enforcement tool. The purpose of the Federal Child Support Recovery Act was to prevent a parent from moving to a different state or a foreign jurisdiction for the purpose of evading a child support order. However, since we live in an incredibly mobile society, it is not unusual to have a support paying parent in one state and a support receiving parent living in another state. When that happens, the Federal Act is available as a remedy for interstate child child support enforcement. A first offense under the Federal Child Support Recovery Act can result in a prison sentence of up to six months in addition to monetary fines. A second conviction can result in more jail time and greater fines. The Child Support Recovery Act was amended in 1998 and is now know as the Deadbeat Parents Punishment Act. The 1998 Act makes it a federal crime to travel to another state to avoid a child support obligation, if that support obligation is greater than $5000 and has remained unpaid for more than one year. If the obligation is greater than $10,000 and has remained unpaid for more than 2 years, if is a federal crime under the 1998 Deadbeat Parents Act simply to have not paid the child support. The penalties available for child support enforcement under the 1998 Deadbeat Parents Act include prison sentences, fines and restitution. Restitution is the payment of money to the custodial parent in an amount equal to the child support arrearage existing at the time that the defendant is sentenced. Probation can also be imposed and can include conditions such as the payment of child support and mandatory employment. A violation of those terms of probation can result in the imposition of additional prison time. If you are owed child support and the parent who is supposed to pay lives in another state, consult with an attorney to discuss whether the Federal Deadbeat Parents Act can help you with child support enforcement and collect the support due to you.

Child Custody Evaluation

A can be ordered by a court if you are involved in a custody dispute with your spouse. The custody evaluation can be required in an initial custody case or in a subsequent case if one of the parents requests that the issue of custody be modified. If you are seeking primary custody of your child, you'll want to know the guidelines for the child custody evaluation that you will have to undergo. To some extent, these guidelines vary from state to state, so you will need to discuss the child custody evalutaion process with your attorney or your state family court. In general, a child custody evaluation involves a series of meetings between the parents and children and a professional who will assess the custody issue. Sometimes that professional is a psychologist. Sometimes it is a professional with an Masters and sometimes a Doctorate degree. In some states the professional simply investigates and reports the details of the investigation to the court. In other states, the professional doing the child custody evaluation actually gives the court a recommendation as to how custody should be determined. The manner in which a child custody evaluation is used by a court can also vary from state to state. In some states, the judges put a higher priority on the wishes of the children and that issue is addressed in the custody evaluation. In some of those states, the child's wishes are considered if the child has attained a certain age. InIllinois, the child's wishes is a key factor. In other states, it is only one factor or not a factor at all. In Alabama, a chid's desire is not considered as a reliable factor in determininig custody, so the factors to be given priority over the child's wishes in the child custody evaluation are more focused on the well being an safety of the child. A child custody evaluation can involve an investigation into moral habits and issues such as alcohol or drug use, church affiliation and family support system. Other issues that can and often are reviewed in a custody evaluation include factors that are unrelated to moral habits, but which are more focused on the determining which parent can satisfy the child's needs, include the ability to provide an appropriate home, school support, and so forth. A child custody evaluation can take months to conclude. The investigation aspects can include a review of any existing counseling records for the family, either or both parents, or the children, any mental health records for any of those parties, any criminal records, school records for the children, and one or more interviews with each parent and child and any other individual that the court deems appropriate. For example, if a companion or significant other is living with a parent, that person could have an impact on the day to day lives of the children. The court may want that person included in the child custody evaluation. Some of the evaluation interviews are conducted individually, and some are conducted with parent and children together. That format is dictated by the professional conducting the custody evaluation. If you are involved in a custody dispute and you will be involved in a child custody evaluation, speak with your attorney about the process that you and your children will be subjected to. Be prepared and open and provide all of the information that is requested of you. Most of all, find out what you are able to say to the children to prepare them for the interviews that they will have to attend.

Child Custody Agreement and Taxes

A child custody agreement can have serious implications on your tax filing and your taxes overall. This issue should be addressed with your attorney or with your accountant while you are going through the process of negotiating or litigating child custody or a divorce agreement. Waiting until after you have finalized a child custody agreement to investigate the tax impact is not adviseable. State law on child custody does not dictate who gets the tax deductions. If your child custody agreement is entirely silent on this issue, the parent with primary residential or sole custody will have all of the tax benefits available through the children. That party will be able to claim the children as deductions, and so forth. This can be a significant issue. There are parents who simply assume that if they are paying thousands of dollars per year in support, they will be able to take the children as deductions. Not so. This is incredibly important when you consider that all child support payments are not tax deductible to the payor and they are not taxable to the recipient parent. Thus, when negotiating your child cusody agreement, you must address the issue of how custody will be structured and who will recieve the tax benefits. This negotiation should be a part of an overall financial scheme that encompasses a consideration of all issues, including child custody, child support, property, alimony, and tax impact. The ability to claim head of household instead of married filing separate or even filing single can be incredibly important to your overall tax scheme. You can claim head of household if you have your children for more than 50% of the time. Thus, a head of household tax filing should be a part of the overall negiating outline in a divorce or separation situation. A child custody agreement that is silent on this issue is really not a well negotiated or written agreement. Your child custody agreement can address this issue in a number of ways. If your child custody agreement provides for joint shared custody, it must state who has the children for 50% of the time. If you have two children, you can divide that up so that each parent has the possibility of fiing for head of household. If you simply have joint custody and one parent has residential custody, you can still provide a head of household deduction to the other parent by wording the agreement in a way that allows for that filing. There are other tax benefits available to parents that have to be considered when negotiating a child custody agreement. Many or most of those tax benefits are variable depending upon your income level ad whether or not you can claim the child or children as deductions. If you are really thinking through your child custody agreement, you will negotiate all of these benefits. The objective should be to maximize all available benefits for both parties, thereby providing an overall highly advantageous tax impact for your child custody agreement.

Are There Really Free Public Records?

Free public records is a phrase that is searched quite often. In fact, it is the whole reason we created are writing this article. It is amazing how many people conduct an Internet search on free public records every day. We have found that info seekers interested in a free public records have all sort of reasons whether they are seeking divorce records, birth certificates or marriage information. It seems that people are always in need of finding records kept in government files or other public data facilities. So this is our attempt to clarify just what free public records is all about. We hope to provide the insight and recommendations you've been trying to find. The truth is, there is lots of free information at public records sites. However, finding it can be a big challenge. Site like Detective Choice have spent hundreds of man-hours assembling this information so that you can quickly and easily locate what you need. Because you found this article, and have read this far, we must assume you need some help finding what you are looking for and most likely your need is urgent. That's the idea behind their site and similar services such as USA Vital and US Search. They are in the business to help you get what you need - fast. Developing and maintaining the kind of information to help you find someone or something is time consuming and expensive. That's why organizations like theirs must charge a fee. If you value your time at all, we feel their services are well worth it. If your public records search is not timely or is just to avoid using the phone book, we recommend you try your local state or county websites. But if your search is urgent and challenging, take a few minutes to explore the sites mentioned above. Each public records resource we've sited comes highly recommended and provides information on other research resources. Websites that attempt to convince you that they have a totally free public records service are not being totally honest. We spend hours upon hours of time scanning online websites to locate quality Internet services, free public records sites, and other types of research products. If we find them, including an honest to goodness free public records site, we'll be sure to post it on our review site.

AN OVERVIEW OF BENEFITS

SOCIAL SECURITY BENEFITS FOR FAMILY MEMBERS Families of Social Security members are also covered by Social Security Benefits. When members retires or became disabled their members also received their share of Social Security Benefits. For spouse if he or she reaches the age of 62 or older receives a monthly benefit. Also for spouse who takes care of the member’s child under the age of 16 or takes care of a child who receives social security benefits entitles the spouse to receive social security benefits. Unmarried children under age 18 or under age 19 who is either a full-time student in elementary or secondary school may also be given social security benefits. And also a child of age 18 or older who is severely disabled is entitled to receive social security benefits. Each of the family members may be able to receive up to 50% of the retirement or disability benefit however social security benefits are only limited up to 150% to 180% depending on the circumstances faced by the family. The benefit given to the social security member is not all affected or reduced by the amount of benefits given to his or her family. And even the benefits given to the ex-spouse with whom the social security member has been married for at least 10 years would have no effect or whatsoever on the benefit given to the member and to his or her other family. SOCIAL SECURITY SURVIVORS BENEFITS In the Social Security Survivors’ Benefits, this is where accumulated credits are applied. For members who have accrued enough credits during their working years his or her family members are eligible for Social Security Survivors’ Benefits. The eligible family members include widows and widowers ages 62 and older, disabled widows or widowers ages 50 and up, widows and widowers caring for a child under 16 years of age and who is receiving Social Security Benefits, unmarried children under the age of 18 or under age 19 either a full time elementary student or secondary school, or age 18 or older but is severely disabled and lastly parents who are dependent entirely or not upon the social security member will also receive social security benefits. In addition, the Social Security also provides survivor benefits for divorced widows and widowers after the death of their ex-spouse who is a social security member. The benefit given to them will be based upon the Social Security account of the deceased member.

"America’s Voiceless” The Children of Divorce

When people start a new relationship, it is as though Cinderella and her Prince stepped out of that childhood story. A more realistic way to look at it is to think of it as two people who are running for office, campaigning to be in the other person’s life. Forget that it is not who they will be later in life. We are too busy getting the other person to “choose us” so we can live happily ever after. There is, bad habits early on in the relationship we never see. For instance, leaving dirty clothes scattered, drinking directly out of the juice carton, putting a dirty knife back in the drawer and watching from around the corner as they lick it clean, washing is too much effort. Both sides hide their bad habits when they begin dating, because they are too busy running for the highest office in the country, ultimately the office of marriage and parenthood. 


This fantasy life fades as people grow together in a relationship. Unfortunately, about sixty percent grow apart during the marriage. 

When the marriage ends it is like a house set on fire. All desired hopes, dreams and commitment cherished by both sides, up in smoke. But, we forget that the child of this relationship has yet to lay the foundation of their lives. 

Divorce on any level, is devastating. For children, their warm, safe world is suddenly shattered like a broken toy, in many pieces. When parents begin to divorce, do they really stop and think about the children? All too often, the children fall under the invisible heading of “power base” or worse yet, “negotiable”. 

A child’s life during a divorce is like a roller coaster, going up minute and down the next. Parents are keeping score of their child’s affection as though they were at a sporting event. Both parents fear losing ground as though their competition, the other parent, chips away at there own individual “power base”. This is an automatic reaction during a divorce. If only parents would stop for a moment and realize, that children have unconditional love for each of them. 

Children were not beamed down from space to earth. They were conceived and brought into this world with the greatest expectations, and most of all love. By two people the child calls mother and father. These two people have forgotten that being a parent, role model and teacher, means not putting down the other. Or using the children to emotionally beat up the “competition”. Because, being a parent is a privilege! 

A divorce is like a funeral. Of course, there is no casket or service. But the process is the same. 
“Funeral” services begin when the parties enter their lawyers office, (I call them legal funeral representatives) they help prepare for the death of their clients marriage. 

The lawyers seek out personal, confidential information about you, only to file it in a public record for the world to see. 

Attached to this public record filing is a detailed financial description, (yours) of personal property and assets acquired during the marriage. 

Somewhere between page 11 or 15 of the divorce agreement, your children are listed, like an asset, by name and age. And on yet another page, you will find the “children”, stating who gets custody when, on what days, with specific times and for how long. Can’t forget the holiday schedules, this appears on yet another page of the divorce decree. This page looks more like a major event schedule, trading odd and even years off during the holidays. 

If parents would think for a moment and get off their “power base”, they should be able to work out these very private details among themselves. 

Months, and in some cases years later a judge, who I refer to as the coroner (no disrespect intended) sit before these strangers, in a court of law, with people who once vowed to love, honor and cherish each other all the days of their lives, ask if all parties are in agreement, with the tap of his gavel, signs the death certificate (known more commonly as the divorce decree. 

I for one think this process is a crime. We allow total strangers to settle our once very happy lives. The greater crime, however, is the children, divided up among the parents like a piece of property. They are the “Voiceless Victims.” 

A Divorce Glossary

Divorce lawyers and law firms can provide a great deal of divorce information and divorce advice; but sometimes, all that legal jargon can be confusing to say the least, not to mention intimidating. Getting a good, low cost divorce settlement requires planning and research. 

So, why not start here? We have provided you with a good glossary of legal terms related to the process of getting a divorce: 

Alimony 
A regular support payment by one divorced spouse to the other 

Annulment 
A court declaration stating that a legal marriage never existed 

Arbitration 
Having a disputed matter settled by a third party who is not a judge. 

Attachment 
A court-ordered seizure of a debtor’s property. 

Attorney at Law 
A state-licensed advocate who is hired to prepare, manage and try a case in court. 

Alternative Dispute Resolution 
A process of negotiation, mediation and arbitration, in lieu of a trial, as a way to resolve issues pertaining to a judgment of divorce. 

Case Information Statement (CIS) 
A financial document specifying the details of your respective incomes, expenses, assets, and debts. 

Child Support 
Money paid by one ex-spouse to another toward their child’s expenses. 

Common Law Marriage 
A marriage without a license or ceremony in which the couple cohabitated for a minimum number of years (varies from state to state). 

Default 
Failure to do something (such as make a payment) on time. 

Discovery 
The legal procedures used to gather all the facts necessary to settle a case or to prepare the case for trial. 

Dissolution of Marriage (Divorce) 
The legal separation of a married couple so that each one may be free to marry again. 

Equitable Distribution 
A fair division of the assets acquired during your marriage. 

Inventory and Appraisement 
A list of jointly-owned property along with the current value of each one. 

Joint Legal Custody 
An agreement in which a divorced couple share the rights and responsibilities of making major decisions about their child’s life. 

Joint Physical Custody 
The shared right to have a child live with one or the other parent at different times of the week or year. 

Judgement of Divorce 
A legal document following a settlement or trial that grants a divorce and states the court’s decisions with regard to alimony, support, custody, visitation rights, and equitable distribution. 

Maintenance 
Alimony or child support payments 

Marital Settlement Agreement 
An out-of-court agreement that resolves all issues surrounding a divorce. 

Mediation 
A process by which a dispute is resolved and an agreement between two parties is reached with the assistance of a disinterested third party known as a mediator. 

Non-Marital Property 
Property that belongs exclusively to either the husband or the wife and, as such, cannot be divided between the two. 

No-Fault Divorce 
A divorce granted with the mutual agreement of two spouses, or when one spouse has left the marriage for a certain period of time (varies by state). 

Rehabilitative Alimony 
Alimony that helps the ex-spouse to become self-reliant. 

Separation 
The absence of one spouse from the household before a divorce. 

Separation Agreement 
A temporary agreement with regard to support, child custody and property for the period between the onset of separation and the granting of a divorce. 

Spouse 
A husband or wife 

Support 
Payment due to one spouse from the other regarding housing, food, clothing, and other expenses. 

Transfer 
To switch legal ownership from one person to another. 

Verification Statement 
An oath declaring that the information stated in a document is true. 

Visitation 
The right for a non-custodial parent to visit his or her child.