Divorce, getting past the anger

It is ok sometimes to be angry. Sometimes this is a great way to move past certain problems and issues that you may have. Anger is completely normal and you will want to make sure that you are dealing with it as best as you can. You will want to be careful so that you are not setting yourself up for more problems when you are angry because of a divorce.

Getting divorced can be a hard time in anyone's life. It is something that you will have to deal with one day at a time. It is not always easy for both parties especially if you are not the person initiating the divorce. If you are the person that is being left, you may feel angry and hurt at the other person. These feelings are completely relevant and you will have more emotions come up in the future as well.

When you are having issues with anger because of a divorce, you will want to make sure that you are using your best judgment in the matter. You do not want to do anything to harsh because you may later regret it. Remember that once you do something or say something, it is impossible for you to take it back. You must remain calm in this situation so that you are not coming off looking irrational or childish.

There are ways that you can deal with the anger after a divorce. You will want to sit down and calmly think about them first. You do want to make sure that you have the facts to why you are getting divorced. Make sure that you are not left out in the dark so that you can have a full understanding of what is going on in your life. You can try and talk to your soon to be ex and find out what is going on and use communication as a form of release. Talking things out can sometimes make a person feel much better.

In order for you to feel better and get through the divorce, you will need to move past the angry part. You have to find a way to move on and get through this difficult time. There is no real answers to how you do this, you just have to figure out the best way that you know how so that you are taking care of you first. The most important thing that you can do when you are in the process of a divorce or after it is said and done is to take care of yourself. You need to make sure that you are staying healthy and happy because you are more important.

Angry is a very passionate emotion. It can take you up or down. It will depend on the way that you are able to handle the emotion and what you intend to do with it. You do not want to let the anger that you have inside you got too far advanced. You want to make sure that you can contain it and keep it under control for your sake and the sake of others. There is no reason to fly off the handle and cause a big scene even though it may seem like it is a good idea at the time.

You can seek treatment for any anger issues that you may be dealing with. When you think that you are not able to control your anger, you can go and find help for these problems. You can get counseling and find out what is making you so angry and different steps to make it better and improve as time rolls on.

Divorce, rebuild your life, get out of that mortgage

When it comes to the divorce you have every right to think about the mortgage. If you don't think that you'd be able to pay the mortgage of the home, then you should not go for the house. If you want out of the mortgage you may have some trouble. When it comes to the house every state has a different law that pertains to community property. In fact, some states are known as non community property states, where they believe that someone always owns everything; it's just a matter of determining who.

When it comes to the lenders, they aren't going to be happy having to redo the mortgage of your home. However, even if you are in the middle of the divorce, the mortgage payment still needs to be paid. In fact, it is up to the creditor to allow you to get off the mortgage or keep you on. If your wife or husband can not get the loan by themselves, then you are more than likely going to have to make sure that the mortgage is paid regardless if you life there are not. This can really mess up someone's credit.

If you want to get out of the divorce without the mortgage, you are going to have to think about a few things. You are going to either ask your spouse to buy it out, or you will have to ask them to sell. Depending on the state and your circumstances, you may have to sell the house regardless. If the other person cannot find a co-signer than they will be forced to give up the home. This is one of the easiest ways to get out of a mortgage, however, the laws vary from states and you may have difficulty splitting the assets 50-50. Remember, if you place your house up for sale, you still have to pay the mortgage until the day it is signed over to a new couple or person. This is because you are still the legal owner of the home and it has to be sent by someone.

If you are worried about your credit rating you will have to do some work or investigation because you enter the divorce process. You will need to know what credit cards that you two have and the balances on each. Not only do you have to worry about the liabilities that you two have racked up during the marriage, you have to think about all the money that you have saved on account. You may end up having to repaying your spouse from the account and pay for your credit debt.

When you file for divorce you will want to close all joint accounts. Make sure that everyone knows that it was by request, not because of other circumstances. You will want them to note that so that it shows up on your credit report and has nothing to do with your credit when you go and apply for credit.

Some people will run up he bills and then make some payments late to screw the other person in the divorce, but that is ridiculous. If you try to screw up their credit, your credit is going down too. So why bother playing such games when it's just going to cost you more in the end.

Also, make sure that you have a copy of your credit report so that you can keep notes of the changes in your rating. This way you can't get in trouble if your mate tries to play the credit game and starts buying things with your name and then not paying for it.

How to rebuild your life - the credit cards to cancel

When you are going through a divorce it can be a difficult time. This is a time that will be emotional and also frustrating as well. You need to make sure that you are doing what you need to be doing to protect yourself. This is going to mean that you have to take a stand and make some very important decisions. You need to make sure that you are doing what you need to do so that you are staying ahead of the game.

There are certain things that you need to do first when you are getting divorced. You have to go through your finances to make sure that you are secure. You and your soon to be ex need to sit down and decide what you have to do in order to make this time go as easy as you can. If you do not get along with your ex partner, you will want to try and figure out a way to get safe when it comes to your credit and all of the credit cards that you have.

Most people have a credit card or even more than one. Some of the cards that people have are in their own name and some are in both their name and their spouse's name. This is dangerous when it comes time to a divorce. When the situation is heading for divorce, you may want to make sure that you are canceling some of the cards that you are not going to need anymore. You will also want to make sure that you are canceling the cards that are in both you and your ex's name. This will protect you more than you think.

When you have credit cards that are in both names, you have to make sure that you are calling the company and ending your service with them. You may end the cards that you have with that company and get new ones issued to you from a new account that is only in your name. This means that you are terminating all of the privileges that your ex would have had to the cards. This will be your way of taking charge and keeping your credit in good standing.

When you are looking for ways to figure out what cards are best to keep and what cards are going to need to be cancelled, you may want to sit down and figure out what your interest rates are on them. You will only want to keep the cards that are in your name only and that have a smart interest rate attached to them. You will not want to have to pay a lot in interest that is added on to your account. This is the main reason why it is so important to make sure that you have a card that has low interest because this will make your payments lower as well.

You should be thinking about what is best for you and your credit. If you are not sure how to handle something, you can seek the help from a professional. You can get counseling for your credit after a divorce so that you are getting the facts that you need to get your finances in order and to protect your good name. There are only a few things that you can have in life and one of them is your good reputation. This is something that you own outright and you do not want to take any risks in messing it up.

Any cards that you do not use or has your ex partner's name on them need to be cancelled at once when you are going through a divorce. This is the only way that you can keep your credit where you want it to be and avoid any unexpected charges being added on. You need to be in control and find ways to rebuild your credit and keep it up.

How to stop crying, during divorce

It's hard getting over a relationship, especially if you have promised to be with each forever, but divorce can sometimes be a blessing. It's okay to cry for a few days, but you have put yourself back together and move. Divorce is not the end of your life, it's just the end of a relationship. Although, that make seem so casual, but you may have other things that you need to focus on, rather than you marriage. If you have children, this would be a great time to start focusing on them more.

Go to the movies, go to the mall, just do things with your children so that you can focus on something worth your time. Thousands of people have gone through divorce, so you're not the only one. Why should you cry anyway? It's not your fault that it didn't work, you two probably were just at two different places in life. It's not because of you personally. There are so many things that you need to focus on that you may become overwhelmed, but that's okay, it's a natural feeling. Instead of going in a depression, you need to focus on what's going on. You need to begin the process.

The first process to separating may be therapy. You may want to go alone or you can go with your mate. Even though it may seem too late for therapy, it will help you two be great parents. If you can get over all the issues and all the angry and you can valid each other's feelings, than you can have a great relationship after the marriage. You may want to go alone at first. This way you can get all of your feelings out and you can release some of the anger and some of the hurt. Therapy is a great starting place because you can find yourself again and you can identify things that will help you move on.

There are a lot of questions that you may feel unanswered. Know that, this was an act of fate. It could be the result of his actions, your actions, or both. However, regardless you cannot think of yourself as the problem. Fate was the problem. There are certain aspects of the universe that pulls people together and then apart, much like a magnet.

If you think about it in words of fate, you will find strength, and you will also find the courage to move on. This is just a chapter in the many books of your life. Don't worry because there will be love after divorce and there will be other exciting chapters of your life still to be read, so it's okay to let go. You never what you may find after this whole thing blows over.

It may take weeks or months to come to the fact, but you take as much time as you need. To end the tears, to end the pain, you need to find other things that make you happy and just do it. If you find comfort in friends, be with them as much as possible. If you have children, it goes the same. If you would really like to stop the crying, you will get out of bed, brush your teeth, get dressed up, and go to dinner, with friends, or family, or even by yourself. Getting up and looking like a hundred bucks will begin the process of letting go.

Whenever you feel lonely or blue, reach out to someone that you love and support you and talk. Talking helps everything. Share your feelings, and whatever you do, do not isolate yourself. You should be with people who love you during this time of need.

Divorce, how to deal with money issues

You need to find ways to save money during the divorce so you don't end up going into debt or needing a second job. When your marriage is over, the last thing on your mind should be your money, but it usually is. You have to learn ways to protect yourself so that you have money to live on through the divorce and after the divorce. You will find yourself angry and confused after you have announced your split, but you shouldn't feel overwhelmed about the money you may lose. Many people find out the hard way what divorce really means, and it usually means they leave you with half your stuff.

First, you should never get married without a prenup. If you don't have the prenup, you will be in so much water when the divorce comes. You don't need a prenup just if your rich, you need a prenup regardless off your assets. When it comes to your finances, why on earth take any chances of losing good, hard-earned money? Secondly, you need to know your finances throughout the marriage. You need to know where at least 80% of the money, if not all the money, goes.

You need to know your wealth. You wealth is your assets minus your debts. If you have $10,000 in the bank, and you have a total of $50,000 (which is a combination of credit cards, mortgages, car payments, and other things that you may owe on), then you have $40,000 worth of debt, you're wealth is nothing. However, if you own you own home and paid $40,000 for it, and have a couple thousand on credit and a couple grand left on a car payment, you have a lot of wealth that needs to be protected. Even if you have debt, you want to make sure that you don't get stuck with it by protecting yourself with a clause in your prenup.

As for refinancing during the divorce, anything that the other person wants, make sure you take your name off the deed. If your cars are in both names, get the name taken off just so if they fall behind in payments, you don't have to worry about your credit being ruined. Usually, the house has to be sold and divided so you shouldn't have to do anything about your name on the deed. However, they can buy you out and then you will need to get your name off the deed and the mortgage.

To really know your finances you should get your credit report. Many credit vendors like credit card companies and credit lenders will let you know what your credit is for free. However, there is a $15 fee to know if you get it from a credit report company. You should also open your own bank accounts and always keep your money separate. This way you know what is yours and what is theirs. You will also want to keep your credit cards separate as well. This way you can keep your debt separate too.

When going through the divorce you will want to think about cutting them off your health benefits at work. This way you can save money, plus get them off your benefits completely. You will want to change beneficiaries of any policies that you may have with your mate as the beneficiary. If you took his name, you can file paper work to regain your maiden name, however, it is costly; you may want to save this for later. You will also want to talk to your lawyer about the house. The house should, by rights, sell and the proceeds divided up.

5 Rules To Swapping Parenting Time

By Erik Carter

Cordell & Cordell Divorce Attorney

The custodial parent has custody of the child subject to the other parent’s parenting time rights.

This means that the non-custodial parent has the right to the children during their specified parenting time; any other time must be by agreement with the custodial parent. 

If you want to spend time with your child(ren) during the custodial parent’s time, you can ask for this. Often this may require you to “swap” parenting time periods. 

Some events are important enough that you can seek a court order to give you the child. This is usually for a one-time only event, the scheduling of which is not under your control.

The same rules apply to the custodial parent. The custodial parent, in most cases the mother, cannot unilaterally tell you that she is taking one of your parenting time periods, no matter how “important” the event is. Again, you have the remedy of court intervention if it is obvious that she is going to deny you a certain period.

If you and your ex agree to swap parenting time, it is best to follow these five rules:

1. Make sure your new time is executed first. For example, if you want to take some days during her Thanksgiving time, and she agrees, the time that she gets back should be executed by her after Thanksgiving. 

This ensures that she does not take her make up time and then change her mind about the agreement. If you get your time first, then she will insist on the agreement.

2. Make sure the swap is agreed to in writing. This can be an exchange of letters or emails. The purpose is to present written evidence of an agreement to the court if you must try to enforce the agreement. Courts may still be reluctant to enforce texts as an agreement, so make sure you confirm the agreement in either email or fax/letter.

3. Put a deadline to respond on any offer to her. This prevents her from stringing it out by saying that she is thinking about it and then denying it at the last second.

4. Be clear on the dates and specific on the times. If you are asking for time over her Fourth of July holiday, specify: “From Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. until Thursday at 1:00 p.m.” Do not leave this up to interpretation.

5. If she is asking for some of your time, ask for proof of the event (and be prepared to produce this if you are asking). She should have no problem giving you an event schedule or a brochure, for example, so that you can confirm the days and times needed. This also allows you to participate if you so choose.

Swapping parenting time is treated by the court almost exactly like modifying a contract; there must be a “meeting of the minds” (i.e., agreement by both parents) and written evidence of the agreement is the strongest evidence. 

The next consideration is that you want to get your time first so that she cannot renege on the agreement. There is unfortunately no guarantee that a court will enforce an agreement to swap parenting time. So get your time first so that there simply is nothing to enforce.

Riverside Family Court Judge Reversed on Attorney Fee Request - Exalts FORM Over SUBSTANCE

A Riverside County family court judge was recently overturned in a denial of attorney fees decision that was certified for publication on January 22, 2014. Judge James T. Warren was reversed for having refused to consider the Wife's request for attorney fees on its merits because Wife, the 'out-spouse', had not filed Judicial Council Form FL-319 as part of her moving papers in support of her request for attorney fees and forensic costs, in what appears to be a complex, high-asset dissolution. Once Judge Warren had decided that the "mandatory form" was missing, he summarily denied Wife's request for fees in what would possibly have been a killing blow to the Wife's case - or at least to her ability to prosecute it. The case seems to turn on an endemic resistence by some family court bench officers to understand that the California legislature has directed trial courts to weigh the factors set forth in Family Code section 2030 and 2032 in deciding fee applications, and not to find technical excuses for failing to exercise that discretion. Reversals are always embarrassing to trial court judges, and are meant to be instructive.

While our bench officers are overworked, it is not proper to discourage divorce litigation by refusing to help fund it where there is a significant disparity in access to financial resources between the parties, and for that reason I applaud this decision. I want to give due recognition to attorney Aaron M. Hudson, a Certified Family Law Specialist out of Upland, California, for his persistence in prosecuting this successful appeal on behalf of Wife and to thank his office for bringing it to my attention some weeks ago. I encourage attorneys to let me know when an important appellate court decision is about to be released. I love cases where imbalances of power are meaningfully remedied as they were here. As always, the opinions expressed in my Blogs are my own.

In Marriage of Sharples the Wife filed an OSC to modify spousal support and for an order for $20,000 in attorney fees and $10,000 in expert accounting fees, which by most standards seems to have been a humble request - particularly with the parties' relative financial numbers as alleged in this case. Husband was the chief executive officer for Copan Diagnostics, Inc., a privately held biotech firm that makes flu sample collection tests among other things. She reported he had earnings of $855,850 in 2010 and that she too worked for the company for below minimum wage, and complained that Husband was squeezing her out of the company. She said she controlled $42,000 in assets and had monthly expenses of $9,700. Before the hearing, Mr. Hudson on behalf on Wife filed an amended request for $30,000 in fees and $20,000 in expert costs alleging that Husband's stonewalling litigation tactics was making the case more expensive to litigant. Husband was then earning $55,429 monthly, and her declaration explained that she was fast spending down her remaining assets. Wife had been forced to file a motion to compel the production of company documents, and Husband's attorney appear to have been avoiding financial transparency - a proven technique for financial starvation that some Los Angeles attorneys seem to be particularly skilled at employing.

As part of the attorney fee package, Attorney Hudson set forth his qualifications, his billing rates, and the need to retain the services of an accountant to value cash flow for support and the parties' interest in the company. Husband responded that he was already paying Wife $3,000/month and that he'd previously contributed $10,000 towards her attorney fees and that this new request was therefore excessive. I am not sure how his attorneys made that "excesssive" claim with straight faces, but Judge Warren's ruling does tend to provide grist for the adage "throw it against the wall and maybe it will stick". It stuck here, and had Wife's attorney not challenged the ruling, his client would have been pressured to accept whatever settlement Husband and his attorneys next offered. This happens way too often in that battles between 'out-spouses' and 'in-spouses', where a beleaquered divorce litigant is starved into submission. Judge Warren's decision was based upon an erroneous conclusion that Form FL-319 is required in all attorney fee applications. That form states on its face it is "Optional" and paragraph 5.b. explains that it may be used, together with the FL-158 Supporting Declaration, or that a "comparable declaration" may be submitted instead that addresses the factors set forth in Form FL-158. Judge Warren believed otherwise, even though Wife's attorney expressed his opinion to the Court that the form was indeed optional.

Justice King of the Fourth Appellate Court, Division Two, ruled that Judge Warren's belief that the absence of FL-319 warranted a denial of the fee request merited reversal. Family court judges are required by Family Code section 2030 to assure a parity between spouses in their ability to obtain effective legal representation. "The purpose 'is not the redistribution of money from the greater income party to the lesser income party,' but rather 'parity': a fair hearing with two sides equally represented. (Alan S. v. Superior Court (2009) 172 Cal.App.4th 238, 251)." [Emphasis in original]. He further notes that Family Code section 2032 guides trial courts to consider the need for an attorney fee award to enable each party to have sufficient financial resources to present that party's case adequately, that the trial court may consider the parties' trial tactics, and that trial courts have wide discretion in fashioning or denying attorney fee requests; however, there must be proof the trial court exercised that discretion, and a failure to do so constitutes (surprise!) an abuse of that discretion.

In 2010 the legislature made significant changes to the Family Law Act attorney fee awards, something I have extensively blogged about. This included adding subdivision (e), which directed the California Judicial Council to formulate a statewide rule for implementing FC section 2030. This originally came in the form of Cal.Rules of Court, Rule 5.93, which has since been revised and renumbered as Rule 5.427. That rule listed what a moving party was required to submit, and specifically spoke to the factors that needed to be presented where by using the FL-319 "or a comparable declaration that addresses the factors covered" in that form. Specifically, what needs to be addressed is:

the reason for the request for attorney fees and coststhe amounts requestedthe specific fees and costs for which the order is soughtwhether fees and costs have previously been ordereda personal declaration of the party as to financial needthe attorney's biling rates and the nature of the litigationnotice to the responding party

Justice King concluded that "[u]nder the plain language of Rule 5.93, a party seeking attorney fees and costs under section 2030 must file and serve either form FL-319 or a comparable declaration." [Emphasis in original]. One or the other is mandatory, but not the form itself and "[t]he court rules and form FL-319 are unambiguous." Unfortunately, many family court judges and commissioners (and even more lawyers) seem never to have read the Cal.Rules of Court. The Justice sounds a bit exasperated, which makes sense because this sort of appeal should never have been necessary.

Accordingly, the trial court was reversed and Wife was also ordered to recover her likely substantial attorney fees on appeal, which ought to cause Husband to pause and hit the 'reset button' by rethinking his tactics and strategy. The case was remanded to the trial court to "conduct further proceedings consistent with the views in this opinion." This is not a good advertisement for Copan Diagnostics, Inc., or its chief executive officer. Maybe the husband should have considered a mindful divorce, instead, because there may be a Family Code section 271 sanctions' motion in the offing? There is still time!

Reversals like this may give rise to a right to disqualify the trial judge on remand so that the case can be reassigned to a different bench officer. I have never practiced before Judge Warren, but family court bench officers really need to take these requests seriously and not find reasons for rejecting them - otherwise, power imbalances will result in huge miscarriages of justice. IMHO.

Avoiding Temporary SPOUSAL SUPPORT for DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Q. My wife was arrested for domestic violence about seven years ago (two years before we married). She threatened me with a gun. Police were called and she was arrested. I didn't want to press charges but the District Attorney insisted. Ultimately she was granted probation on a lesser charge because I refused to cooperate, and the case was later dismissed when she completed it. Now I wonder if I can defend myself from having to pay temporary spousal support on these grounds?

Chuck, Mar Vista, CA

Chuck:

There are several California Family Code sections that may be of value to you. These include Family Code section 3600, section 4320, subsections (l) and (m), and section 4325. However, you have some problems and I will point them out.

Family Code section 4325 creates a rebuttable presumption that temporary or permanent alimony to an abusive spouse should not be ordered, "where there is a criminal conviction for domestic violence" by one "spouse" against the other entered "within five years prior to the filing of the dissolution proceeding."

Here, you two were not spouses when the DV occurred; moreover, you are outside the five year relevant look-back. Possibly the reference to 'spouses' is a matter of semantics that simply represents the parties' present status at the time of the request and not the event, but the five year cut-off is likely deadly to your argument under this section. As an aside, I want our readers to know that trial and appellate courts have held that a criminal conviction of spousal battery is not required (Penal Code section 273.5). It can be any lesser included defense - even simply a plea to disturbing the peace. The key is what allegedly transpired, and not the plea arrangement. So the lesser offense she pleaded to, and the fact of probation, is irrelevant.

However, while section 4325 would seem not to apply for you, there is another argument you can make. While Family Code section 4320(m) requires courts to consider criminal convictions "in accordance with Section 4325" - back to where we were - subsection (l) does not. Instead it states that courts must consider "Documented evidence of any history of domestic violence, as defined in Section 6211, between the parties, including, but not limited to, consideration of emotional distress resulting from domestic violence perpetrated against the supported party by the supporting party, and consideration of any history of violence against the supporting party by the supported party." Note there is no reference to "spouses" here.

So, most lawyers would argue that this section, Family Code section 4320, only applies to "permanent support" at the time of trial, as opposed to temporary support requests. Not so, in my opinion. Family Code section 3600 is the "temporary" alimony statute, and it says: "the court may order (a) the husband or wife to pay any amount that is necessary for the support of the wife or husband, consistent with the requirements of subdivisions (i) and (m) of Section 4320 and Section 4325...."

Therefore, (1) there is no express five year time bar in 4320, (2) domestic violence can be set up as a defense to both temporary or "judgment" spousal support, and (3) the Court is limited to making orders that are "consistent" with either, or both, of these sections.

We have no reported case on point that I know of yet.

Here are some related Blogs on this subject that may be of value.

Good luck out there!

TWA

Do I Have to Return THE ENGAGEMENT RING If We Don't Marry Or If We Later Divorce?

Q. I was given a beautiful and expensive diamond engagement ring by my fiancé. Now he says we shouldn't get married after all and he has demanded I return it! What are my rights? I wouldn't be surprised if he again changes his mind and decides he wants to get married, and if I do that, what then if we divorce?

The symbol of the promise of love and fidelity is the engagement ring. We are conditioned by advertising and popular culture that diamonds are "forever" and therefore most appropriate for making such a promise (never mind the millions who have been killed or maimed in Africa in connection with their mining and acquisition). We have rules of thumb in our collective subconscious: A man (or woman) should spend 2 months' salary on an engagement ring for a prospective spouse. That's gross income, not net, gentlefolk!

A curious legal issue comes about when an engagement is called off. Under California general property law, the elements of a validly completed gift, so as to vest ownership rights in the recipient of the item, are three: (1) Intent to give/donate the item by the giftor, (2) Transfer of the item by title and/or delivery to the giftee, and (3) Actual or imputed acceptance of the item by the giftee. Turnbull v. Thomsen (Cal. App. 1959) 171 Cal.App.2d 779, 341 P.2d 69. Under general property gift law, one might think a person who proposes marriage and gives another person an engagement ring has vested full ownership in the other person even if the engagement is broken. Not so necessarily.

There are actually special, statute specific rules found in California's Civil Code concerning engagement rings concerning the full vestiture of ownership of the ring, and the rights to recovery in certain situations where a marriage does not result (which makes sense since they such jewelry is expensive and is gifted in connection with a special/confidential relationship between people contemplating marriage). These rules are found in Civil Code § 1590, which provides:

"Where either party to a contemplated marriage in this State makes a gift of money or property to the other on the basis or assumption that the marriage will take place, in the event that the donee refuses to enter into the marriage as contemplated or that it is given up by mutual consent, the donor may recover such gift or such part of its value as may, under all of the circumstances of the case, be found by a court or jury to be just."

In other words, if you give an engagement ring and the other person calls of the marriage you can get the ring back (or its monetary value), but if you call off the marriage the other person gets to keep the ring. As such, a good tip legally (but probably not on an interpersonal level) is that if an engagement is called off, get it in writing. Who says getting news of a break up by text message or email is a bad thing? Uncouth and impersonal, certainly. But such evidence is extremely helpful if a lawsuit for an engagement ring's recovery results (you might need to sue your ex-girlfriend for the $10,000 you paid El Paseo Jewelry three months for the ring which she just informed you she sold to Rocky's Pawn Shop for $1,500).

In analyzing Civil Code § 1590 vis a vis the common law gift elements, the two are actually quite harmonious; the intent of the giftor of an engagement ring is based on a qualified condition that s/he gets married to the other person. Without this condition precedent being met where a marriage is called off, the first element (donative intent) never completely occurs. Of course Civil Code § 1590 also makes a 'fault-like' provision by only applying to situations where the engagement ring recipient or both parties mutually call off the wedding. I suppose where divorces in California are 'no fault', dissolution of engagements are slightly fault-based.

So take the (not so) hypothetical scenario (I actually had this case several years ago and got a $10,000 default money judgment for my client) where the ex-girlfriend goes and pawns the ring (about a day after a letter from my office reached her demanding return of the ring). Technically, a properly plead lawsuit is for two causes of action one of replevin (i.e. to seek recovery and delivery of an item) and one of money damages (where the item cannot be returned such as where it has been sold to a third-party). Both causes of action should be plead in the alternative in a civil complaint by the unlucky giftor of the engagement ring. Also, the matter should be filed in either limited civil court (for rings costing anything less than $25,000) or general civil court (for rings costing more than $25,000), but not in small claims court (which usually hears matters of $10,000 or less). Why, you ask, not small claims court? Because small claims only allows for money judgments and not injunctive orders, and an injunction (i.e. an order to return the ring to the giftor) is the primary remedy available under Civil Code § 1590 (the money judgment for the ring's value is merely secondary). You don't want to go into small claims court and get a defense verdict for lack of subject matter jurisdiction.

Another twist to the engagement ring problem can occur when the marriage is not called off, but rather a divorce occurs several years later if the ring is purchased on credit. In this scenario, the ring is the separate property of the recipient since it was gifted before the marriage to the other spouse (Fam. C. § 770(a)) and the condition precedent of the marriage solemnization/certification has occurred satisfying the giftor's donative intent element for a valid transfer of ownership to take place. Simultaneously, the debt for the ring is the separate property obligation of the giftor since, in the case of an unsecured credit line, the contract was entered into by the giftor spouse prior to the marriage (Fam. C. § 903(a); Marriage of Feldner (1995) 40 CA4th 617, 619, 47 CR2d 312, 313).

Now say the giftor doesn't make payments on the $10,000 ring until after the marriage ceremony, and makes those payments from his wage income over the next five years (with interest, paying actually $20,000 in those years). The giftor spouse has just set up a scenario where the ring-recipient spouse, through the community estate, has a potential claim for reimbursement in the divorce case to the community of $20,000 (i.e. the giftee, individually, of $10,000) of those community monies (i.e. post-marital income, which is community property; Fam. C. § 760) used to pay the ring's debt, in addition to having ownership of the full value of the ring itself (another $10,000 value). The marital property debt liability statutes expressly recognize a community right of reimbursement when community funds have been used to pay a spouse's separate debts in some specific scenarios such as support obligation from a prior marriage at a time the obligor spouse had nonexempt separate income available (Fam.C. § 915(b)), and where community funds have been used to discharge a spouse's tort liability for which the tortfeasor spouse's separate property was primarily liable (Fam.C. § 1000(b)(2) & (c)). The Rutter's Group, Cal. Prac. Guide Family L. Ch. 8-D: Marital Property Debt Liability And Reimbursement Claims, at 8:865. A potential reimbursement for community income used to pay the engagement ring's debt is not mandatory, but rather discretionary with the court pursuant to Fam.C. § 2553 (discretion to make whatever orders it "considers necessary" to carry out the net equal division of the community estate mandate of Fam.C. § 2500, et seq.

While I do not know of a reported appellate case that involves a reimbursement claim under Fam.C. § 2553 for community monies used to pay off an engagement ring debt, the lack of such a case does not necessarily mean such a reimbursement has not been ordered in trial courts in California. It is an interesting potential claim to present to the court under the right circumstances (i.e. a low/no asset case), but the equitable argument against such a reimbursement seems stronger in most cases involving other substantial assets and debts (i.e. why should a divorce litigant get both a $10,000 ring and a $10,000 reimbursement for the debt repayment with its interest?). In any event, caution indicates that a spouse paying for an engagement ring into the marriage from newly earned income should seek a written waiver of a reimbursement claim from the other spouse (i.e. the engagement ring recipient) in a manner that does not give rise to the presumption of undue influence.

I hope this helps! BTW, is this the right guy for you because in my experience this marriage is a recipe for heartache and you might want to consult with a competent family law attorney before you do. Also, you certainly could address this issue in a premarital agreement.

 

5 Weekend Outings to Firmly Cement Your Role as the Cool Dad

Divorces are rough on everyone, especially the kids.

One way of making the transition easier on your kids is planning plenty of fun dad day activities whenever you have them for your part of joint custody or visitation.

The experiences you have and memories you create help to take away the sting and uncertainty of life after divorce for your children.

Love the great outdoors? Consider taking your kids on a dirt bike ride.

The American Motorcyclist Association suggests going with a small bike at first. Resist the urge to size up to a bike they can grow into as it will be difficult to ride.

Start with easy trails and share the bonding experience of being in the great outdoors along with the fun dirt biking.

As they get older, you may transition to larger bikes and burlier trails. Look through an online dirt bike part store to find the necessary parts, accessories and safety gear for your next dirt biking trip.

Photo by GFDL via Wikimedia Commons

The local gokart track is often home to all sorts of entertainment. Gokarting is a fun and action packed adventure that helps drive a competitive spirit in your kids and yourself, along with getting the adrenaline pumping.

In addition, gokart tracks often have batting cages, arcades, and other fun activities to entertain your kids.

Photo by ND Strupler via Flickr

It's time to head back out into the woods with a paintball or airsoft gun in hand. This activity provides plenty of exercise and fresh air, along with a lot of fun scenarios that range from speed balling to slow hunts in the woods.

According to Paintball Action Games, paintball can teach your children about honor, fairness, and safety. Who says you can't have fun and learn some of life's lessons at the same time?

If the weather isn't great, look into indoor paintball and airsoft arenas. Paintballs and airsoft hits do hurt, however, so if your children prefer a similar activity without the impact, consider laser tag.

Photo by Alex McClung via Flickr

Learning is fun, especially if you have an interactive science museum nearby. These museums are geared towards kids, but there's plenty of interesting activities for adults too.

Some science museums have specific themed areas, while others give an all-around look at the sciences. Keep the curiosity and wonder in your kids by letting them see how awesome applied science is.

The Association of Science Technology Centers offers a comprehensive list of science museums in the U.S.

Photo by Ashley Pomeroy via Flickr

Do your kids share your love of cars? Consider taking a day trip to a car show to see some of the best cars in an up close and personal fashion. There's hot rod shows, classic car shows, super car shows, and everything in between.

Some shows include races and other competitions, so you aren't just looking at cars all day. Some car shows, such as the ANPAC shows, are created with kids and family friendliness in mind.

Intellectual Property Issues In Divorce

For self-employed and inventive spouses, the discussion for divorce does not end with deciding what income to use to calculate support and who is taking the business debt – or should not, rather.

An often overlooked but equally, and sometimes more, important topic is intellectual property.

Intellectual property, or IP, refers to the set of legal rights that attach to an expressed idea; that is to say the set of "property" rights that result from one’s mental labor.

Intellectual property includes:

1. Copyrights, which give the creator exclusive rights for a limited period of time to the manner in which an idea is expressed;

2. Patents, which give the creator exclusive rights for a limited period of time to the sale, use and import of an invention;

3. Trademarks, which distinguish a product by a unique symbol; and

4. Trade secrets, which consist of formulas, practices, processes, etc., that give a business economic advantage and are, thus and necessarily, not generally known to the public.

IP issues come up in a divorce more often than you might think. For example, if a wife who conducts yoga lessons out of her home has developed a training model for associate teachers, with her husband’s input, and plans to sell that model, then that model has value, and the husband may have contributed directly (his input) or indirectly (by marriage) to it.

As another example, if a husband sells food with certain family recipes, to which his wife had intentional or unintentional access during the marriage, what should be done with those recipes after divorce, and how can the then-ex-husband protect them?

As a final example, do either the training model or the family recipes, standing alone and independent of the work efforts of the spouse who created and/or used them, have value and is that value an asset of the marital estate?

The answers are yes and yes.

Issues of IP valuation fall, generally speaking, along the same lines as issues of typical property valuation. Defer to your state’s laws and a family law attorney licensed to practice in your state for details.

It may be trickier to value IP, since it is unique and its “worth” is subject to future market conditions. However, such is generally the case with business valuations, a good appraiser will discount the value to account for market volatility.

It also may be trickier to pay the non-creating spouse a share of that value, but a good appraiser can recommend lump sum payments or a formula tied to the market and perhaps royalties for a defined term.

If these options sound heady, it is because they are, and you are best to speak to professionals in your state and the IP field.

Issues of IP protection, by comparison, are simpler. Just as the divorce court can restrain ex-spouses from disparaging each other and destroying each other’s property, the court can restrain them from using IP, competition with business, and selling protected information.

Even if you do not foresee your soon-to-be-ex selling or competing with you post-divorce, you are best to request such a restraining order to protect yourself, and, more importantly, your IP in the event you wish to sell it (without the threat of near and easy competition) in the future.

At a minimum, you must speak to an attorney early about these issues. You do not have to be a big business owner to have IP or a business owner at all for that matter.

Your expressed ideas, your recipes for foods you sell, your models for the business you run out of your home, etc., may and probably do all vest you with IP rights. Identify, value, divide and protect them now - or you could find your ex-wife setting up shop next to you and stealing your business away.

 

Cyberbullying Statistics: Is Your Kid At Risk?

Providing men with essential divorce advice, fathers rights divorce information and child custody articles. Dads Divorce is a community for men facing divorce or fathers rights issues and run by Cordell and Cordell. Cordell & Cordell is a family law firm with a focus on men's divorce, child custody and fathers rights divorce.SHARE THIS ARTICLE:

Cyberbullying is an increasing threat to children and teenagers as more and more of our lives are connected to technology.

The website KidsSecured.com compiled this infographic of cyberbullying statistics aimed at educating parents on the reality of existing online threats.

Decorating For The Newly Divorced Dad: How To Get The Ultimate Bachelor Pad

Being recently divorced is a time to start anew and regain some independence. It also means you can dust off that beer bottle chandelier and faux bearskin rug and display them with pride, if you want.

Whether you're a manly man or a man with refined taste, decorating your own place is a great way to express yourself without any second-party criticism.

But before you start pulling out boxed-up items from yesteryear, do some research. Some of today's decorating ideas may fit your character better than those beat-up posters from the 1990s.

Give the place a fresh coat of paint. Light colors create the illusion that your new place is bigger. If you like darker, bolder colors, be careful about the one you choose—it could effect your mood.

According to Infoplease.com, brown is one of the most popular colors men choose, but it can imply sadness, wistfulness or genuineness, depending which shade of brown you go for.

And be careful with blue in the kitchen. Researchers have found that most people relate the colour blue with toxic or unpleasant food, since there are so few foods that are blue.

Photo by MaryTClark via Flickr

Themes are a great way to express your passions and who you are. If you're a car enthusiast, for example, how sweet would it be to have that custom-made car seat couch and engine block coffee table you've always wanted?

Photo by rotomind via Flickr

If you're not a lair kind of man, go for more subtle furniture that still gives you a unique look. Wayfair sells furniture in a variety of modern and vintage styles to suit every taste.

And maybe you have a favorite chair that's getting worn. Getting it reupholstered could add some new life to the old thrown. All Things Thrifty shows you a step-by-step process in how to reupholster an armchair.

Whether you're the type of man who wants to show off your trophy hunts or one that wants his living space more mom-friendly, there's always a place for those conversation pieces in a man's unit.

Maybe it's a collection of photos from your scuba trip in Florida or an antique Kelvinator refrigerator; there are always ways to spruce up these types of items. It could be the way the lighting hits the framed photos, or purchasing—or making—a display case for that baseball you caught at the ballgame with your dad once.

If you're handy with tools, then that new, open space you call home now makes a great stage to show off your newest work. If you're not the handy type, there are plenty of do-it-yourself and repurposing projects that are amateur-friendly.

And you might assume Pinterest is a total chick thing, but you'd be wrong. The website is a hotbed for ideas, tips and inspiration for fun projects you can use.

Got an old, boring filing cabinet? Repurpose it into a kitchen station. This just one of many ideas you can find to decorate your new unit and have fun while doing it.