Going from a divorce or a long-term relationship to dating again is not a simple lifestyle change. Women over 50 who haven't been single for some time can easily fall into dating no-no's. These can actually prevent them from meeting the kind of people that they're looking for.
With the divorce rate getting higher every year, there are more opportunities for singles. And you would think that women who are older and have more experience wouldn't make the same dating mistakes again. (Ha!) One of the first important steps toward starting a new relationship is getting rid of the dating don'ts.
There are positive things about dating again when you're older. You have a lot more to offer. You also are more worldly and probably know what you're looking for. Let's increase your opportunities by eliminating the dating pitfalls.
1. You Are Set in Your Ways
We all know that women don't like dating older men who are set in their ways. Well, there are plenty of women over 50 who are also set in their ways and tend to turn men off with their rigid attitude.
After a break-up or divorce, you should be flexible when you start dating again. You need to be spontaneous with the new men in your life. You have to show others that you want to enjoy this new beginning.
2. You Talk About Your Ex
What happened during your marriage stays in your marriage. If a new love interest asks about your divorce, you can tell them a little about it. However, you don't have to share the minute details. Let him know that it's over between you and your ex and that you're excited about the future.
3. You Act Paranoid
A friend of mine told me that he invited a woman back to his apartment for a drink. She asked to use the bathroom and was in there for a long time. His medicine cabinet had a tricky latch and he saw that it was ajar when she came out. He asked her, "Were you looking in my medicine cabinet?" She appeared to be embarrassed. She said she was looking for a Band-Aid, but couldn't explain the reason. She admitted later that she was looking through the cabinet to see if he was on any drugs that she should know about.
Nobody likes their privacy invaded and doing something like going through their medicine cabinet is an indication that you're paranoid.
4. You Appear Needy
After ending a long-term marriage, you're probably used to being with someone all of the time. It's an adjustment to be alone. You're single now and it's your choice to do what you want to do.
Even though you may have someone new in your life, still try to do things independently. Only a codependent guy wants to be with a needy woman.
5. You Never Offer to Pay
One of the great things about dating over 50 is there is probably more time to go out for dinners since the kids have moved out of the house. When women over 50 were first dating, it was accepted practice that guys paid for everything. Culturally, changes have come about. And now many more people are splitting the cost of the evening. The guy may not accept, but be prepared to offer.
For more post-divorce dating tips, pick up Lois Tarter's new book "The Divorce Ritual: Get Up, Get Out and Get On With Your Life" by clicking here.
Earlier on Huff/Post50:
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Sometimes it feels like the foundation of your social life is so strong that you no longer find the opportunity to meet new and exciting people. Throw a barbecue or party in which guests bring a friend that no one in the group knows. Alternatively, tag along with a friend the next time their office has a company picnic or function -- this is a great way to meet somebody who you know is responsible enough to hold down a career and who you can 'check out' with an acquainted friend before you agree to a date.
There's no longer a stigma about a woman learning to golf or a man taking a Pilates class, though such activities are still gender lopsided enough one way or the other to open up the dating options for the minority sex. In time you'll be able to go to a local public course and complete someone else's foursome, or cap off an exercise class by going for coffee with some of your fellow students -- both of which will give you the opportunity to meet a host of new people (most likely of the opposite sex). Just make sure you're doing something you want to do -- it would be a shame to begin a relationship under false pretenses.
Organizations such as "Habitat For Humanity" allow you to come into contact with people of all ages and from all walks of life, all of whom have strong, respectable values. And it's not just a great chance to meet a prospective date -- volunteering attracts interesting, good-natured people who themselves are excited to meet new faces and make friends.
Book clubs are great places to meet well-read, like-minded adults -- you can usually find one by calling your local library. Similarly, wine clubs, outdoors clubs and gardening clubs are good options as well depending on your interests. Joining a club allows you to grow as an individual and sets up the opportunity for you to meet someone who shares a common interest.
Singles over 50 are flocking to the online dating world more than any other demographic. It would be a shame to let 20th century prejudices about online dating spoil the opportunities that could await you with a membership. The perception that dating sites attract eccentrics or shut-ins is a dying one, but if you need convincing, just see for yourself the array of adults turning to sites like "Match" and "eHarmony" to help them begin meaningful relationships with interesting people. Here are the top five most popular dating sites for Post50s.
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